Not my job!

I’ve always been a people pleaser, this I know.  Today I decided to sit with this and meditate on the reason I am like this.  The answer kind of surprised me.

Because my parents were unable to give me the kind of love and attention I craved as a very young child (due to family trauma), I took it upon my childhood self to parent my parents … an attempt to give them the very thing I craved myself.  Maybe it was a way to sense control in a situation in which I had little to no control of at the time.

Nonetheless, this information was a real eye opener for me.  Now, my mission (should I choose to accept it) is to give myself the love and attention I need.  Challenge accepted.

Question:  Are you a people pleaser?

Food For Thought:  Do you know why you are like this?

Challenge: Are you willing to sit and with this and meditate on the reason you are a people pleaser?

You are a symphony.

For much of my life I believed I had to “quiet down.”  So other people wouldn’t be bothered by me, or so I wouldn’t be better than others.  And, for a singer, a writer and a talker, that’s a pretty tall order.

But when I read this quote, the thought of easing the pain scattered around me sent me in a different direction.  An invitation to say: “no, I won’t quiet down”. To grow louder and to speak my truth makes me feel like it just might be okay for me to be myself.

I love this invitation to speak up, to speak out and to tune into my own frequency.

Question:  Are you always trying to cover up your True Self?

Food For Thought:  What if that part of you was your greatest asset?

Challenge:  Can you speak your truth today?  It’s okay to start.

The only person …

MAN, I can be hard on myself — relentless, always expecting the best, demanding — constantly pushing myself to do better, be better.

But I would never want to spend my free time with someone like that.  So, why do I allow that behavior in myself?  The truth is, I have been looking for someone else to tell me that I’m good enough, that I deserve love, or that I’m okay just the way that I already am.

I invite you to repeat this with me:  the only person who can give me permission to feel good about myself and love myself is me.  The only place I have to “fit” is inside my own skin.

Question:  Do you tend to be hard on yourself?

Food For Thought:  If so, would you treat your best friend that way?

Challenge:  What is one nice thing you can say about yourself or do for yourself today?

This, too, shall pass.

I’ve been experiencing health problems lately.  The kind that have knocked me on my butt and left me with no choice but to be quiet and to take care of myself.

Right now I can’t see my way out of this, and I’m swarming with big emotions about it.  So today’s quote really speaks to me.  There is the hope that this, too, shall pass.

And until this does pass, I will rest and I will take care of myself.  I will breathe slowly and deeply, pray for peace, and hang onto the hope that life will be so, so different someday (hopefully) soon.

Question:  Are you discouraged by something today?

Food For Thought:  Are you willing to “deeply believe in the possibility of a new outcome?”

Challenge:  Hang on to the hope that this, too, shall pass.  May it be so for all of us.

Do not be dismayed.

Kindness was valued above all else in our household growing up.  To do something thoughtful for someone else was modeled and expected. It was just a way of being.

So I was a bit shocked when I went out into the world (off to college, that is), and even more dismayed throughout the various jobs in my lifetime, to find that most people are focused on themselves.  It’s a pretty hard lesson; one that I am still trying to wrap my head around.

Looking back, I realize that in spite of the awful things that have happened to me, or the way people have treated me, I am still kind.  When I read the quote above, I am reminded of how important it is for me to keep my heart open and to continue to be my kind self.

Question: Do you believe there are kind souls to be found in this world?

Food For Thought:  Has the world been unkind to you?

Challenge:  Are you brave enough to open your heart anyway?

No one but you!

I had a friend who wouldn’t let her daughters watch fairytales.  She said it wasn’t realistic for them to think that any man was going to ride in on a white horse and rescue them, and she didn’t want to teach them that’s what life was really like.

I remember being shocked at the time and thinking it was pretty harsh.  BUT now that my own kids have grown up, I find myself reading the quote above and realizing the truth that I am the hero of my own story.  I can’t expect someone else to read my mind, and I sure can’t expect someone else to save me.

The delicious, homemade, gourmet, lit “cake” of my life has been iced by yours truly.  There is room on it for more candles, but it is pretty cool on its own too.  And isn’t it easier to be the hero of my own story? Because I’m the only person who will ever know exactly what I need.

Question:  Do you find yourself wishing someone would come save you?

Food For Thought:  Do you know how strong you really are?

Challenge:  Make a list of 3 awesome things you’ve done all by yourself.

Brave and brokenhearted

I find it extremely challenging to be honest about what’s truly going on in my life.  You see, I was raised to go out in public, smile and “put on a happy face.”  But it takes so much work to keep pretending like things are rosy all the time.

So, I take off that mask and step forward in an attempt to live my life as it actually is.  Sure, it can be fun, full of laughter, romantic, happy and full of surprises.  But it is also messy, scary, disappointing, challenging, and sometimes even sad.  It can often be a mixture of many different things all at once!

When I go through something hard, I find it helps me to know that I am not alone … knowing that someone else has the same struggles and life experiences helps gives me courage to move forward.

Question: Are you feeling lost, alone or struggling?

Food For Thought:  Would it help to know you’re not alone?

Challenge:  Are you brave enough to journal about your pain or reach out to tell someone you trust?

Teach them.

OMG, we put so much emphasis on our kids these days to: get the best grades, be in the most activities, get into a respectable college, pick a reputable career.  I know, because we have children, and as a parent the pressure swims all around us.

How beautiful is it when people help other people.  That doesn’t take a college degree.  You don’t have to wear stylish clothes; it doesn’t require lots of money (or any money, for that matter).  You simply have to see a need and respond, react, reach out.

How do we teach our children to notice someone or something in need?  By example, of course.

Question: When is the last time you did something kind for another?

Food For Thought:  Is there someone around you who could use your help?

Challenge:  Are you brave enough to reach out to that person?  Not only will you bless the person you’re helping, but your own heart will feel blessed.  And your children just might be watching and learn to do the same.

Thoughts for your Friday …

Maybe your work week is almost over, maybe today is the last day of school, or maybe you just need a Friday afternoon "pick me up."

Either way, I wanted to offer some inspiration and give you some food for thought.

No matter what the week behind you looked like, no matter what your plans are for this weekend, no matter what you do ... may you offer love:

• to random strangers

• to your significant others

• to your co-workers

• to your neighbors

• to your pets

• to yourself

It doesn't matter what you do or how you do it, and it doesn't have to be loud.

Be The Quiet Whisper of love.

Strength

Well, there’s some definite food for thought in this one.  I’m willing to bet a lot of us were raised to keep our true feelings tucked away … to pack them down so tightly that no one could ever find them.

This way of living worked for me for a very long time.  Until it didn’t.  At some point, I just couldn’t hold the pain in any longer.  Letting out my memories, experiences and excavating the “buried treasure” of my stuck emotions has taken a lot of time on task, and it’s been messy.  But the tears have washed away a lot of the yuck, and I’ve felt so much lighter in the process.

My whole body finds truth in the idea that “finding the strength to let that pain go is where my power lies.”  May you find strength today in letting go of your stuck pain.

Question:  Is there something in your heart that you’d like to “dig up?”

Food for Thought:  Are you brave enough to look inside and start digging?

Challenge:  Journal about it.  Tell a trusted someone about it.  Go for a walk and scream about it.   When you’re brave enough to do the work, I am convinced that help will come to you.

Ripples

When I discovered this quote, it sent “ripples” through my heart.  I needed a reminder that my kindness matters.

It can be soooo easy to get sucked into the sensationalism of the news – to hear the horrific stories that are rampant – and thus begin to believe that the world is 100% a terrible place.

However, if one little act of service inspires a person and changes their life or their heart just a little bit; and if that trickles out to everyone they come into contact with, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, then isn’t that how we change the world?

One

Act

Of

Kindness

At

A

Time.

B.E.A.U.T.Y.

While I love the sentiment of this quote (written by yours truly 😉), today I have been thinking about physical beauty – how I grew up thinking it was “sinful” to think of myself as pretty.  And what a travesty to have spent most of my life afraid to make that discovery.

I’ve decided to let that one go.  I choose to see beauty when I look at myself in the mirror.  I am many, many other things too:  smart, kind, generous, supportive, to name a few.  But I also want to add beautiful to that list.  Because what a miracle I am.  I was made with such care, from my toes to my nose.  My physicality doesn’t have to be the only thing that defines me, but it does (now) get to be one of the things.

I give myself permission to see my physical beauty.  I’m not going to separate my looks from who I am anymore.  It’s all of me, and I’m glad.

Question: Do you see yourself as beautiful?

Food For Thought:  How does it feel inside your own heart when you call yourself beautiful?

Challenge: Stand in front of the mirror and repeat:  “I am beautiful.”

Ocean

No one ever really prepared me for being a mom - for how this floodlight of equal parts worry and love would get turned on the moment they were born - and for how I would do anything to help them survive and thrive. Pretty sure nature designed it this way to help keep the species alive.

Somewhere along the way, making sure my kids had what they need became more important than my own health and well being.  Now that they’re old enough to take care of themselves, I find myself depleted mentally, emotionally and especially physically.

It’s a scary place to be, and I must admit that I’m not really even sure where to begin to nourish myself.

Question:  Have you put yourself on the back burner for others?

Food For Thought:   Are you able to make yourself a priority?

Challenge:  Do one thing that brings you joy today, however small.

Messiness …

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much effort I put into pretending that I have things "all figured out." I edit what I say, I often don't say the things I really want to say, and I try so hard to paint this perfect picture of my life.

Speaking of paint, check out the little girl in this picture! Does she seem concerned with how she looks? Does she even care that paint is splattering everywhere? Is she worried that it might stain her clothes, or how long it might take to clean up the mess around her?

Nope.

Sheer joy is written all over her face because, in fact, she DOESN'T CARE!

Today I find myself asking what it would feel like to be that uninhibited. What if I cared more about how I feel than being concerned about what anyone else may (or may not) think about me? What if I could show up every day and just be my messy, non-conforming, weird, creative, silly self? Hmmm.

It might not be easy, but it also might be really freeing. I'm going to give it a try. Are you willing to try it with me?

May we show the world the beautiful light that only we can shine: the light of our True Selves.

Love,

Elizabeth H. Kunc

​www.TheQuietWhisper.com

The ability to be alone.

This quote hangs in my office even to this day.  I discovered it when I was reading to my children from “In Every Tiny Grain of Sand” by Reeve Lindbergh, and it really resonated with me.

My mom used to spend time by herself everyday, and I’ll admit as a kid I never really understood it.  But now that I’m older, I find I love the idea that being outside with all of nature can be like a prayer.  Even Jesus went off by himself everyday talk to God.

May it be your custom every day to talk to the Divine.  Even if you don’t know quite what to say, maybe just start with the first thing that comes to your mind.  It’s pretty nice to know there’s help and hope.

The measure of a great man …

I realize that I’m older now, but I think I can honestly say that I’ve always believed the above quote to be true.

My husband told me once that no man ever wants to hear from a woman how “nice” he is. Well, that may be true.  But no matter how “steamy” or “gorgeous” or “sexy” you may appear on the outside, if you’re not kind or generous or loving, then you cannot possibly be a truly beautiful soul.

Kindness is evidence that love (a/k/a God) exists here on planet earth.

Long days …

This is me sharing a piece of my original poetry with you, with the hope that on the days that feel so hard that you don’t know how you’ll get up out of bed, or you don’t know if you can bear the pain you feel … that somehow you’ll find the strength, courage and love you need to face another day.

I pray for all the help and love you need to come your way.

May it be so ~

One thing every day …

This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt found me (and by this I mean: I read it for the first time) when my girls were young.  In fact, I think they were both in early elementary school.  It was a time in their lives when they were trying all kinds of new activities – swim, dance, etc. – and I was always encouraging them to be brave.

But the day I read this quote, I had the realization that I couldn’t very well expect them to be brave and try new things if I wasn’t modeling that behavior myself.  Children learn by what we do, not by what we say.

So, may I continue to do things that scare me.  Woo-hoo!!  How about you?

Question:  Is there something you’ve been avoiding that you really, really, really want to try?

Food For Thought: What if the only thing stopping you was your fear?

Challenge: What new thing could you try today (however small) that absolutely scares you?

Irish Blessing

This quote hung on the wall all during our childhood.  I never really thought much about it (because kids never wonder too much about the things their parents do) until I got married.  It was then I learned that this poem was one of my Dad’s few family traditions.

Other people have loads of family traditions, but this one was our jewel.  I remember my Dad reading it aloud to bless us at our rehearsal dinner.  We, in turn, read it at his retirement party and, sadly, again during his memorial service.

Whenever I read it, I think of my big, strong Dad.  As you read it today, may you be blessed in remembering a love that sustains YOU from the inside out.

Oh, Great Spirit …

Man, this poem brings a big lump in my throat.  I find myself resonating so often with Native American wisdom.  I love the respect of nature and circular thinking … this idea that we are all connected – from tree to bird to human to sky and back again.

But the part of this poem that speaks loudest to me today is the phrase: “to fight my greatest enemy -myself.”

Today may you find strength to fight your greatest enemy – that part of yourself that criticizes, judges, finds fault.  May you find LOVE there instead.