Tell your story …

I have always said that I didn’t want to stand out.  I didn’t want people to notice me, or point and laugh at me or say: “she’s different, that one.” The paradox is that I also do kinda like to stand out: I like to teach, I love to sing solos, talk and, as you may have guessed, I loooove to write.  If I’m being honest, I think maybe I’m really just scared of being seen — of being noticed. What really lies at the heart of that is, being accepted and affirmed for my thoughts, my feelings, my unique perspective on life.

If you could be inside of my mind, you’d hear things like: “what if people don’t like me?” Or “but what if they laugh at me for being different?”  And people did point at my older sister for being different.  Laura was severely mentally and physically impaired.  She couldn’t really walk by herself and had to wear a leg brace or be pushed around by wheelchair. She didn’t talk, couldn’t feed herself and made loud shrieking noises when she was excited, scared or distraught.  I learned firsthand what it can be like to be different by watching people’s reaction to Laura.  It’s probably the reason I get so distraught when I notice someone is different or, more accurately, when people leave others out because they’re different.

I only ever wanted to connect with my big sister.  I wanted for her to be able to talk to me and for her to be able to see me and understand that I was her sister. I longed for us to share clothes, argue about boys, and whisper our secret hopes to one other.  Even now that she has passed away, I find myself wishing that she knew how much I loved her.

What I do know is that I simply can’t stand it when people are mean or bully or make fun of others.  We all have disabilities, it’s just most of them are on the inside, where we can hide them from others.  I’m tired of pretending … I am insecure, I am a little bit broken, and I think we all are to some degree or another.  What if we decided to stop pretending?  What if we decided to start being honest with those around us?  If we admitted when we need help or that we are suffering?

I’ve started to tell my story, and it is my prayer that you will boldly tell yours too.  Even if it starts with just a whisper!!!  You deserve to be heard, you deserve to be loved for ALL that you are, and you deserve to “never feel alone again.”