Gentle Souls

It’s been a long time since I made a New Year’s Resolution.  I’ve kind of just found I was never able to keep them, which meant I would spend weeks afterward feeling horribly guilty about failing.  Not the best way to start a new year, methinks.

But I absolutely love this quote, and it makes nearly every cell in my body heave a sigh of relief.  Inviting me to take care of myself, to love myself, and to resist going a million miles an hour all the time?  Now that seems like a healthy invitation.

The final bullet point to “give love freely — including love for myself” is the golden ticket.  There just aren’t very many places we can find that issue an open invitation to be kind to ourselves.

Question:  Do you need an invitation to be kind and gentle with yourself?

Food For Thought:  Would you accept that invitation, if you received one?

Challenge:  You’re invited!

I hope you know …

I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to please other people.  Feels like I have a master’s degree in it.  But gosh it takes So. Much. Energy. to try to figure out what other people might want.  I almost never get it right, either.

The quote above puts into words what I really needed to hear: that I don’t really need to fit in.  I really like who I am down deep, but I guess I’ve been afraid to say that out loud.  Because then I’d have to give myself permission to be unique or different in my own right.

Maybe that’s how everyone feels.  Each of us is unique, no better or worse than the person next to us. And if I can truly embrace all of my uniqueness, then maybe I won’t feel the need to impress or please anyone else except ME!

Question: Have you ever felt that you don’t fit in?

Food For Thought:  Are you trying to be someone or something you don’t want to be?

Challenge:  Could you try being YOU, just for one day?

Extraordinary!

I’ve always been an extremely sensitive person.  Being in a crowd stresses me out, and honestly I avoid being in them if at all possible. I just feel so much.  I can sense the collective pain, the anger, and frustration, and I have to work really hard to get rid of all that angst once I’ve encountered it.

Honestly, I know this makes me a bit of a misfit.  I mean, there are always crowded events to go to — from family and kids’ events, to driving in traffic, to shopping, to graduations, to any other myriad events.  And I want to fit in, I really do.  But maybe (just maybe), I just need to accept the fact that I do better in small groups; and maybe (just maybe), that’s okay.

In fact, perhaps I can even accept and nuture this trait in myself.  And maybe, I can be proud of it?  Because my ability to feel other people’s pain means I am also a very compassionate human.  I know how to help in ways that maybe others don’t.  Maybe that is my “extra in the ordinary” in this sometimes cold and lonely world.

Question:  Is there something about yourself that has made you feel like you don’t fit in?

Food For Thought:  Have you ever considered the possibility that this thing about you is actually a good thing?

Challenge:  Find a mirror, put both hands over your heart, look directly at yourself and repeat after me:  “I change the world by being myself every single day.  I am extraordinary!”

Music!

As a singer, it probably comes as no surprise that I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without music.  It literally lifts my heart.

From the rhythmical sounds of nature to the sweet sound of the symphony; whether I’m feeling happy or sad or anything in the spectrum, there’s always a song somewhere out there to match however I feel.

But until I read this quote, I never connected the fact that our hearts beat steadily to the rhythm of life.

Question:  Do you hear music around you?

Food For Thought:  Is there a song that fits your life right now that seems to keep coming back to you?

Challenge:  Sit outside all by yourself.  Close your eyes and see if you can hear music in the natural world around you.  This is the kind of music that is always there and has the potential to refresh your spirit if you’ll simply pay it some attention.

Burn anyways.

It’s okay to be myself, right?  I think I need to hear that again and again.  When I’m scared that I stand out because I’m different from other people; when I’m afraid to show up as myself for fear that people might laugh at me or make fun of me; when I look at those around me and compare, compare, compare.

Or when I was a school girl and was taught that “boys don’t like it when girls are smarter” or “keep your voice down” or “you can’t do that because you’re a girl!”  But I am a girl, and I am smart and I want to be loud sometimes and use my roar because its part of who I am.

I love this quote above because it’s a reminder to me to “burn anyway!” Because if me being myself and shining my light full on will inspire someone else or illuminate the way for another soul?  Well then. I better get to burnin’ bright.

Question:  Have you ever had someone tell you that your way of being is “too much to handle?”

Food For Thought:  Have you decided to let that person’s criticism dim your light?

Challenge:  What if you decided, instead, to “burn anyway?”  :-)

Keep fighting.

Sometimes.  Sometimes it feels like the hits just keep coming.  Sometimes it feels like there’s no more gas in the tank.  Sometimes life knocks us down and we think:  I’ll never get back up again.  I just can’t.

And so we cry, we rail, we rant against the forces of nature that did this to us.  We feel sorry for ourself, we sulk, we rage against the unfairness of it all. Then …

Once the storm passes, and (most of) the tears have been cried, we feel a stillness.  We remember who we are, what we want, what our goals are, and perhaps why we are here in the first place.  So we dust ourself off, look at our beautiful face in the mirror, stand tall and remind ourself:  “there’s more where that came from … try me now!”

Question: Are you feeling beat down right now?

Food For Thought:  Have you cried it out?  Sobbed, raged, shaken your fist at the sky, wallowed in it?  If so, and if you’ve truly done this, then …

Challenge:  Wipe off your tears, look at your beautiful face in the mirror, take a deep cleansing breath and repeat  “there’s more where that came from … try me now!”

Be gentle with yourself.

Being kind to oneself.  Wowsa, sometimes this can be so hard for me.  It used to be my “go to” to demand perfection in every area of my life.  And it was so exhausting, believe you me.

Then I come across beautiful quotes like this one that whisper that “there is nothing wrong with the core of me and who I am” … a reminder to be gentle with myself.  That just feels good in every fiber of my being.

We are all works in progress because the very definition and nature of being alive is to constantly change, adapt and grow.  At the very core of our being we are perfect, because that’s what LOVE is.

So … may love for ourselves be the new “go to,”  and may we all be reminded of what a beautiful, magical work-in-progress we are.

Question:  Are you a perfectionist?

Food For Thought:  Are you perhaps a recovering perfectionist?

Challenge:  Repeat after me:  “I am a beautiful work in progress, and I’m O.K. with that today.”

Own your story.

Thanks Brene.  What a truth teller you are ;-).

It’s honestly been so much easier for me to blame others for my frustrations with my own life.  I’m good at this, let me tell you.  It has been so difficult to take responsibility for my life choices, but it’s also freeing.  If I made the mess, then I have the power to get up and make changes happen.

One of the hardest things for me lately is to explore the darkness … those sides of myself that I typically keep hidden.  Even harder is for me to risk sharing those vulnerabilities and weaknesses with others.  But perhaps doing this IS the only way we will “discover the infinite power of our own light.”  Mind.  Blown.

Question:   Is there some pain inside of you that needs to be explored?

Food For Thought:  Are you willing to safely explore that to the benefit of discovering “the infinite power” of your light?

Challenge:  What if you were to spend a few minutes writing your thoughts down? No one else has to see it, but maybe it’s a safe and do-able place to start.

Courage doesn’t always roar …

Courage is the ability to try again?  Hmmmm.  I really like this idea.  I typically think of courage when it comes to trying something new or doing something I really want to, but am absolutely scared of doing.

Going through serious health issues recently, I can tell you there were soooo many days I just didn’t have the energy to go, go, go … where all I could do was just get from one thing to the next only to have to sit down again to rest.  I was forced to be in stillness because my body just didn’t have what it took to do much moving.

So it feels like a hug when I read this quote.  This idea that it is courageous to accept that “I will try again tomorrow” instead of being frustrated about what I presently can’t do = a breath of fresh air. Tomorrow is another day, another chance, another opportunity to get up and try again.

Question: Are you discouraged lately by a project or a situation that, despite your love and attention, isn’t going well?

Food For Thought:  Are you willing to release your grip, just a fraction?

Challenge:  Are willing to whisper to yourself  “I will try again tomorrow?”

Curiosity

Here’s a secret about me:  I’m a recovering perfectionist.  I’ve typically been hard on myself,  from pressuring myself to make good grades to believing that I had to be good at everything I do.

You know I love me some good inspirational quotes (hence this blog and the development of “The Quiet Whisper”), and I often gather quotes that bring me life wisdom.  So this quote introduced me to the idea of being curious about things, which has begun to soften the lines around my perfectionism.  Coming at things with a sense of playfulness has revolutionized my art.  Instead of stifling my creativity, it seems to have liberated me to have fun!

I’m working on extending this to my everyday endeavors, and now that I think about it, it pretty much translates into living in the moment, which is the only way to live of beautiful life.  I’m learning I can’t control everything, and I am working day-by-day to become more present so that I can see beauty no matter what life serves up.

Question:  Do you tend to be a perfectionist?

Food For Thought:  When you think of being curious and playful (instead of having to be perfect), how does it feel in your body?  Does it make you feel lighter or freer?

Challenge:  What if you take one thing today (maybe it’s doing the dishes or anything that you do on a regular basis), and try doing it with a sense of curiosity?  Pay attention to your senses as you do this everyday task.  Remind yourself that it doesn’t have to be perfect.  When you’re finished with the task, just notice how you’re feeling in your body.  Do you feel lighter or freer?

Speak your truth

I’m a recovering “people pleaser.”  I used to believe I always had to have my poop in a group … that I couldn’t go out in public without putting on a brave face, even when I was suffering inside.

BUT, that has all gone by the wayside.  I’m not trying to say that I’m 100% myself all the time, but what I am saying is that I have given myself permission to be fallible, to be a mess and to show that part of myself to more and more of the people around me.

And who knows, maybe when I speak my truth and show my Authentic Self, the people around me (most importantly, my children) will know that it’s okay for them to be less than perfect too.  We’re all in this together, so maybe we can show up as ourselves and start making this world better one truth at a time.  I’m in.  Are you?

Question:  Are you, or have you been, known to be a people pleaser?

Food For Thought:  Do you speak your truth (that voice that is deep down inside of your heart)?

Challenge:  What if today you decided to say “no” to something your heart doesn’t want to do, and to say “yes” to something you’ve really been wanting to do?  What if you chose your own heart first?

Self-care

I know what you’re thinking.  At least I know what I was thinking when I first read this:   “What are you talking about?  Do I even know anyone who ‘fills their own cup’ first?”

Not very many of the people I know (especially women) make a practice of doing things we love.  I’ve been hard pressed to find a role model in this department.  All of us are so busy “taking care of business” (meaning, taking care of others), and we rarely include ourselves in that mix.

But a recent health crisis forced me to do exactly that:  to take care of myself first.  I had no other option.  And so I find myself wondering: if I had taken a little more time to nuture myself along the path of life — would I be so freaking depleted right now?

Question:  If you’re being honest (there’s no one here but you and me, and I promise I won’t tell anyone ;-) are you feeling angry, exhausted, or even a little resentful toward the people you love?

Food For Thought:  When was the last time you “unplugged” from the needs of those around you to go do something (however small) for yourself?

Challenge:  What if you asked for and took 30 minutes all to yourself today?

You’ve been planted.

Winter.  Not my favorite time of year.  I don’t mind it when the sun is out, but for those of you who live in Michigan? You know that doesn’t happen as often in winter.  I miss green things and watching the breeze dance across the crops.  I love the bright colors, the sound of bees buzzing, and I can hardly wait to get my hands in the dirt and plant flowers!

But I also know that the cold, stark winter must come, just as I know that stark times in life must come too. And I try to find beauty in it.  I mean, there’s nothing like the sight of a fresh snowfall — or the blue of the sky — or the sunshine reflecting off freshly fallen snow.

So even in the dark, quiet times of my life, when I begin to wonder whether I’ll thrive again, may I remember that I have been planted.  I hope I can remember that I, too, will rise again.

Question:  Are you struggling in the “winter” of your life right now?

Food For Thought:  Do you see any trace of sunshine? Or does it just plain feel like a dark place?

Challenge:  Will you do something kind for yourself so that you can feel just a little bit better until the sun shines on your face again?

Healing is a journey.

Ugh!  I’ve been conscious of being on a "healing journey” for about the last 8 years.  Every time I release or let something go, I ecstatically think: “Oooo, I’m all better.” But that thought only lasts for a few moments.

You see, this is all such a process.  And I don’t know if we ever stop growing, changing and adapting … at least not while we’re still breathing and walking the planet.

Everything, even all living things in the natural world around us, is in a state of perpetual change.  The red maple tree outside my window buds every springtime. Its beautiful green leaves sway in the breeze every summer.  In the fall those same leaves turn a remarkable shade of red before falling to the ground.  During winter, its stark branches cradle the snowfall and, while the tree itself may look dead on the outside, it is simply conserving its strength and resources until the spring sun warms the earth and it can begin the process all over again.

Question:  Do you find yourself on a healing journey?

Food For Thought:  Do you get discouraged with the pace of your journey?

Challenge:  Think back to where you were 1 year ago, even 2 years.  Can you see the progress?  KEEP UP YOUR HARD WORK!

Embrace the pauses…

“Sit still, would you?” I can’t tell you how many times I heard this phrase growing up, especially when getting my hair cut.  And even now, it’s not easy (nor is it my favorite thing) to sit still.  And truly, our culture pushes the go, go, go mode of living these days.

I study, practice and teach yoga, so I try to make a regular practice of rolling out my mat and connecting to my mind, body and spirit.  Yoga teaches that movement and stillness are both natural parts of life.  While I’m really good at the moving part (in yoga this is called “yang”), I find the stillness part (referred to as “yin”) super challenging.  It doesn’t seem like being still should be so hard, but for me it is.

I’m being forced to reflect and go within these days due to a recent illness. While it has taken me quite a while to get there, I’m getting better at the stillness.  I’m finding it allows me to reflect and, most of all, feel, process and release what doesn’t serve me anymore.  Just like this quote above, I am learning to embrace the pause as I take this time to heal.

Question:  Is it easier for you to move? or do you find it easier to sit still?

Food For Thought:  Have you experienced the benefits of sitting still?

Challenge:  Try sitting outside, practicing yin yoga, meditating (anything that requires you to be still), and see how it makes you feel afterwards.  5-10 minutes is doable ;-)

Music again.

Ugh.  As anyone close to me can tell you, I get irritated by lots of noise.  It’s just too much sometimes for me to hear lots of different noises competing all at once.  It’s sort of like when I walk into Best Buy.  You know how there’s a different song playing in each different department? Well, when I can hear all of them at once, I’ve got about 5 minutes before I want to run screaming from the building.

Makes me think of my study of music in college. Music had always been something I’d loved! But college altered that for me … so many classes, so much microscopic study of music, so many demanding performances and stressed out professors … I didn’t even want to listen to the radio for about six months after I graduated.

But then life started to take a turn when I became a Mom.  All the sudden, my heart began to find reasons to sing again.  It’s like life had opened up a portal, and my heart’s music wanted to play once again.

Question:  Was there a time when your life just seemed “noisy” or “chaotic” or “unharmonious?” Where something you loved to do just didn’t thrill you like it used to?

Food For Thought:  What did you do to get through that time?

Challenge:  Can you find reasons to “sing” again? To do that thing that makes your heart soar, even just a little?

Take off the mask …

I’ve always thought that I had to have it all together (or at least make people think that I have it all together).  But I don’t.  I just don’t.  And even though I’ve been working consistently on this journey of healing, I think deep down there’s the belief that I still have to portray that I have it all together.

But I think life is showing lately that when I am brave enough to show up as myself, my REAL self, and share my story that I experience a freedom and a sense of relief that is unparalleled.

So maybe I used to think it was easier to just pretend everything was O.K., but I’m beginning to understand how much lighter I feel when I’m honest about my struggles.  And if by some chance that helps others around me heal, well then that’s pretty darn cool.

Question:  Do you tend to shy away from being honest about your struggles?

Food For Thought: Would it make it easier if you knew that everyone around you struggles too?

Challenge:  Is there one struggle you’d be willing to be honest with someone about today?

Healing

Wow, this one doesn’t really require much talking by yours truly.  I think the writer, Jeff Brown, says a literal mouthful with this quote.

I often found myself wondering every time I release an old pattern or a pent up emotional memory: “Am I finally healed?  Is this over?”

So thank you, Jeff, for your grace.  If, by healing myself I am helping heal humanity, well then let’s keep this train moving shall we?

Align vs. Hustle

I know that “rest, recovery, and reflection” is not the party line in our culture. You know what I mean.  We’re constantly encouraged to hustle, grind and take on as much as possible.  It’s like we’re all running this impossible race towards some idea of success.

What does it really mean to be “successful” anyway?  Does it mean that if we do more, achieve more, and own more stuff we’ll magically be happy?

Life has forced me to slow down.  From lockdown to a recent illness, I have had no choice but to sit down, slow down and reflect.  And it hasn’t been easy AT ALL for me to downshift.  But what I am finding is that the ability to reflect is actually a gift.  When I stop moving, I am able to sit with and see what is actually there.  And maybe, just maybe let it go.

Question:  Are you in hustle mode?

Food For Thought:  What if slowing your pace could bring you in alignment with the things you truly desire.

Challenge:  I dare you to take 5 minutes to completely unplug (hit the “reset” button).

Continue.

Maya Angelou is a BAMF.  I guess since this is my blog, I’m allowed to express my feelings accurately, and she is truly a badass.  Her words contain such power.  And this particular quote is a way to write in the reverse.

I mean, the first thing I think of when I hear the word “astonish” is being surprised at another horrible act of cruelty reported in the news. Afterall, it’s a normal tendency in this often dark world to focus on catastrophic events.

But here, she is reversing expectations and instead inviting us to “astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness.”  I appreciate her encouragement and her invitation to be kind.  It takes no money and very little effort, and yet it brings light instead of darkness.

Question:  Are you astonished by the cruelty in this world?

Food For Thought:  When was the last time you were astonished by someone else’s act of kindness (towards you or towards another person)?

Challenge:  Are you brave enough today to astonish someone with your act(s) of kindness?