Worth the effort!

I’ve felt like a robot for so long now … work, work, work and do, do, do. Do whatever it takes to make a living at all costs.  When we started a family, it simply didn’t matter whether I liked my job. I had to keep doing it so that we could eat, have a place to live, and so we could make ends meet.  I just never really learned to slow down.

My father was my role model.  He sometimes worked extra jobs so that he could provide for our family and so he could save for my brothers and me to go to college.  He’d wake up at the crack of dawn, drive 45 minutes to swim laps at the YMCA, work his day job, then come home and help care for my special needs sister.  He also helped with the dishes, played games with us and then dropped into bed early only to wake up and do it all over again.  I really can’t remember a time when he sat still.  He was always hustling … a true mover and a shaker.

Throughout my adult life, without really realizing it, I have modeled my own work ethic after my dad.  I, too, find it difficult to sit still.  Even on my days off, I’m always asking questions like: “Who needs something?” and “What still needs to get done before I can relax?” There’s always been this belief that I am not allowed to relax or do anything I enjoy until all the work is done.

But here’s the truth:  that model just isn’t working for me anymore.  I can’t go, go, go without rest anymore.  My body just won’t allow it.  And I’m fighting against a culture and a mindset that touts, and even rewards us, for constantly pushing ourselves to do more.  So how about this idea of “the magic of being alive” that S.C. Laurie writes about?  Is it true I’m “not just here to perform duties and complete tasks?”  Am I “also here to feel happy, and content, and inspired and well within [my]self?”

As I read S.C. Lourie’s words, I feel a peace descending upon me.  Maybe I am “worth the effort” of finding something that “brings about a genuine smile from [my] heart.”  Maybe you are too.  Have you been struggling under the weight of doing, and pleasing others, and constantly go, go, going?  Well then, I invite you to take a breath, to take a moment and consider that maybe there is more to life than constant hustle.  Go outside, explore nature, do a crossword (or whatever it is that helps you decompress).  We “are worth the effort!”

Tell your story …

I have always said that I didn’t want to stand out.  I didn’t want people to notice me, or point and laugh at me or say: “she’s different, that one.” The paradox is that I also do kinda like to stand out: I like to teach, I love to sing solos, talk and, as you may have guessed, I loooove to write.  If I’m being honest, I think maybe I’m really just scared of being seen — of being noticed. What really lies at the heart of that is, being accepted and affirmed for my thoughts, my feelings, my unique perspective on life.

If you could be inside of my mind, you’d hear things like: “what if people don’t like me?” Or “but what if they laugh at me for being different?”  And people did point at my older sister for being different.  Laura was severely mentally and physically impaired.  She couldn’t really walk by herself and had to wear a leg brace or be pushed around by wheelchair. She didn’t talk, couldn’t feed herself and made loud shrieking noises when she was excited, scared or distraught.  I learned firsthand what it can be like to be different by watching people’s reaction to Laura.  It’s probably the reason I get so distraught when I notice someone is different or, more accurately, when people leave others out because they’re different.

I only ever wanted to connect with my big sister.  I wanted for her to be able to talk to me and for her to be able to see me and understand that I was her sister. I longed for us to share clothes, argue about boys, and whisper our secret hopes to one other.  Even now that she has passed away, I find myself wishing that she knew how much I loved her.

What I do know is that I simply can’t stand it when people are mean or bully or make fun of others.  We all have disabilities, it’s just most of them are on the inside, where we can hide them from others.  I’m tired of pretending … I am insecure, I am a little bit broken, and I think we all are to some degree or another.  What if we decided to stop pretending?  What if we decided to start being honest with those around us?  If we admitted when we need help or that we are suffering?

I’ve started to tell my story, and it is my prayer that you will boldly tell yours too.  Even if it starts with just a whisper!!!  You deserve to be heard, you deserve to be loved for ALL that you are, and you deserve to “never feel alone again.”

The hard things …

No one likes to hear “this is good for you,” especially when it comes to doing things that are unpleasant.  Truthfully, I’ve avoided doing tough things most of my life because hiding behind my fear of failure had always seemed easier than the thought of trying and potentially failing.

Well, that’s until I met my friend Maggie, who is the owner of a local inclusive community-oriented yoga studio where I teach and practice.  She helped shed light on the fact that I tended to avoid facing uncomfortable things, and that in doing so I was actually ignoring all the lessons life was trying to teach me.  Because in truth, the uncomfortable things are the exact things that were trying to help me grow, so if I kept “looking the other way,” it would be impossible for me to become the person I was made to be.

I don’t really want to just get through the hours, the minutes of each day.  I want to embrace life fully.  At the end of this journey, I want all the hopes that live inside of my heart to have seen the sunlight, because I believe those hopes are linked to the things I agreed to do when I came here.

So, if it’s true that “the hard things build the foundation for the good things to grow” … well, I guess I’d better start meeting the hard, uncomfortable situations with boxing gloves, ‘cause I sure am ready for “all of the beauty that awaits [me] on the other side.”

You are miraculous!!

Wow, does anyone ever remember hearing someone they love telling them it was okay to love their body?  I myself can’t think of a time, and it certainly isn’t a message that ANY of us are getting from magazines, commercials or social media. 

So where do we even begin to tackle a project like learning to love the bodies we’ve been given?

Well, I think Cleo Wade makes a good start with this poem of hers.  And none of the things she wrote about start with our outer appearance.  She begins with the simple things we probably take for granted every single day of our lives:  a heart that keeps beating, intuition in our gut, continuing to perform miracles like recovering from injury and for waking up each and every day.

Maybe loving our bodies begins with kindness — just saying “thank you” or “I’ll trying again tomorrow” or “I love you.” 

As we’re known for saying around here at The Quiet Whisper:  we can change the world one random act of kindness at a time.  So, let’s start with the MOST important person in each of our lives:  ourself.

https://www.thequietwhisper.com/certificate-of-kindness

Take a good look into your heart.

I remember one of my favorite yoga teachers saying this during a class one time:  “you already have everything you need inside of yourself.”  That gobsmacked me!  I mean, I guess I’ve always believed that what I needed was just outside of my reach.  When I look at the world from my own perspective, it is so easy to believe that everyone else has it all together, or that they somehow have the answers to things that have always alluded me.

But what if, like Stacie Martin suggests in this quote, I’ve been missing the abundance of answers that I already have?  I know I’ve said this before, but I am the only one who will ever really know how I feel about something, or what I need, or what I actually want. 

As I write these words right now, it seems so obvious. I just need to stop and check in with myself. 

We all have this inner compass that will guide us if we just get quiet enough to sit with ourselves.  So, I give you permission to be the keeper of your own life.  What do you want?  What do you need?  Let your inner wisdom guide YOU to find your own answers to those questions.  Let’s just be brave enough to ask the questions!

Hug your soul.

I have spent most of my life (and energy) trying to make sure everyone around me was happy.  I don’t remember ever learning how to care for myself or to ask myself questions like:  “What do I need?” or “Is this good for me?” 

But as a recovering people pleaser, I am beginning to learn firsthand that I absolutely must take time for myself if I want to have anything left to give to those around me.

When I refuel my tank doing things I love or taking some time for myself, then I will actually have some reserve to share with others.  I absolutely know how to take care of other people, so all I have to do is turn that focus inward toward myself.

The people that I love, the people that I most want to spend my time with, will benefit greatly from me pursuing my passions and from hugging my own soul.  Just like a car that can’t run without fuel in its tank, I can’t give what I don’t have. 

Let me continue to take time out to focus on my own soul, because I deserve that hug and that love I’ve been “so busy giving everyone else.”

The hard things …

No one likes to hear “this is good for you,” especially when it comes to doing things that are unpleasant.  Truthfully, I’ve avoided doing tough things most of my life.  Hiding behind my fear of failure had always seemed easier than the thought of trying and potentially failing.  Well, that’s until I met my friend Maggie, who is the owner of a local community-oriented yoga studio where I teach and practice.  She helped shed light on the fact that I tended to avoid facing uncomfortable things, and that in doing so I was actually ignoring all the lessons life was trying to teach me.  Because in truth, the uncomfortable things are the exact things that were trying to help me grow, so if I kept “looking the other way,” it would be impossible for me to become the person I am made to be.

I don’t really want to just get through the hours, the minutes of each day.  I want to embrace life fully.  At the end of this journey, I want all the hopes that live inside of my heart to have seen the sunlight, because I believe those hopes are linked to the things I agreed to do when I came here in the first place.

So, if it’s true that “the hard things build the foundation for the good things to grow” … well, I guess I’d better start meeting the hard, uncomfortable situations with boxing gloves, ‘cause I sure am ready for “all of the beauty that awaits [me] on the other side.”

Don’t forget yourself…

Here’s a hard question for you:  “Do you put yourself first?” 

I’m willing to bet most of us make time for everyone else, but sorta leave ourselves toward the bottom of that particular To Do List.  Until my health scare last year, I can honestly say that I had always put taking care of myself very last on my own list.  While it’s great to care for others, if we don’t make our own health and well-being a priority, soon we will have absolutely nothing left to give to anyone else.

Loving ourselves means constantly checking in with ourselves.  When I slow down enough to ask: “How am I feeling?” “What do I need right now? or “What do I want?” I am actually loving myself.  I am the only person who will ever be there for myself throughout my entire life. I am also the only person who will ever be able to find or know what it is I truly want or need.

Life will ask a lot of all of us.  We will hurt like crazy, we will lose things and people we love, we will make mistakes.  We will also find love, and we will laugh and we will hopefully find joy so immense that it can be hard to put into words.  What I really hope for all of us is that we will find love inside ourselves for ourselves … that we will appreciate all that we are, and that when we “try to remember all of things [we] loved most in the world” we will write our own names at the very top of that list.

Masterpiece.

It is so hard to let go of my “almost all grown-up” children.  I’ve held them soooo close to my heart for so many years, through all of the ups and downs of their childhood.  When our oldest daughter went off to college last year, it literally felt like tearing out a part of my heart. 

But I’ve begun to realize (after some time) that this is merely a different phase for her, and for all of us.  We are still a part of her life, but I must learn to let go and trust that she has been given all she needs to begin sculpting her own life.

When she calls and asks for advice, I am glad to give it.  When she tells us about the things she’s learning, I drink it in because I have absolutely loved seeing her grow and begin to form her own opinions and throw herself into her own interests.  I may not be there physically for every day of her life, but I still get to be a part of it because she still needs me … just in different ways.

For the first 18 years of her life, I guess I believed I was helping “create” her, but this quote by J. Warren Welch reminded me (well, it actually slapped me across the face a tad …) that I actually now get the privilege of watching her create a life of her own.  I will be here to guide her and to advise her when she needs it, but I’m going to loosen the reins and let her be the driver now.

Make the ordinary come alive for them.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the whole “competition game” when you have children.  From the moment they are born it seems like we’re comparing them to every other child around.  Doctors even encourage us to do that early on:  Are they rolling over yet?  Sitting up yet?  Talking?  Walking?

Then it seems like once they’re in school, we push them to take part in as many activities as possible.  For me, this started out as a way to help them explore and find what they liked, so that they could (as adults) eventually forage their own path in life.  But when I read this beautiful quote above by William Martin, my heart was reminded that the comparing, the activities, the grades, the friendship groups … NONE OF IT is as important as teaching them about being human.

Can I be open enough to let them see my tears? Will I take the time help them find wonder in the ordinarily beautiful things about this life?  I truly hope that I’ll surround them with true love and acceptance and that I will encourage their curiosity, because it doesn’t cost any money to hang with my kids, and it sure is worth my time.

I want to be part of their lives for all of their days, so let me continue to be honest and real with them, and to help “make the ordinary come alive for them.”

Beautiful souls.

When I was a young, working mom, I remember my own mother telling me that: "when we struggle to get to the top of a mountain, we have two choices:  1) to ignore others struggling behind us, or 2) to turn around and offer a hand to help them up."  This resonated pretty strongly with me because I wasn't seeing many other "working women" helping each other out.

Working in a heavily male-dominated field, I was so frustrated that the women who had struggled to the top of that food chain weren't holding out their hands.  It was so hard for me to remain soft and open-hearted in such a dog-eat-dog environment, but for the most part I think I have maintained my humanity in the shark-infested waters.

Seeing others and resonating with their pain is part of who I am.  If I can use the struggles I have experienced in my life to help another out?  I’m going to do so. It makes me feel like I've done something worthwhile ... something to change the world around me just a little bit for the good.

Do more of that!

I've spent most of my life hiding my true self.  I just didn't believe that I had permission to be myself or to speak my truth.  Sometimes it feels like a long, long time to hide or to be afraid of being authentic.

But it's 2025 people!  This is the year when I will allow myself the freedom to express, the freedom to make mistakes, and the TOTAL freedom to Speak. My. Truth.

I vow to step outside my comfort zone, to really show up for myself and as myself.

Just like the cool cat with the sunglasses in the quote above, I'm gonna be me.  I hope you'll join me, because I believe we're here to do something great for the world and the people around us. 

Let's get busy showing up!!

Fiercely kind …

This quote resonates soooooo strongly with me, especially with the change in leadership in our country right now.  It really doesn't matter if we agree with each other (politically speaking), but I get overwhelmed when I think about being led by people who aren't kind or compassionate.  How do we teach our children to be hopeful when the people we are supposed to look up to don't consider the greater good?

Mother Theresa said: "And if we love, naturally, we will try to do something.  First in our own home, our next door neighbor, in the country we live, in the whole world."

The only thing I can truly control is myself, my attitude, and what I put into my own mind and heart.  Love is the common denominator amongst all people, all things, all creatures.  The only way we can survive is to rely upon each other.  We don't have to agree, but we don't have to be silent either.  We can choose to speak our truth, AND we can also listen to the truth of others ... even those who don't agree with us.

May I continue to be soft enough, brave enough and kind enough to allow myself to feel all the feels but also to make room for the greater good.  I am just a piece in this huge jigsaw puzzle of humanity.  But you better be sure I'm going to find out where it is that I fit.

And may I be fiercely kind while doing so.

Look forward …

www.TheQuietWhisper.com

Happy 2025, beautiful souls.  I picked this quote for today, in light of the new year, because I need the encouragement to look forward with hope.  You see, it's been my way of operating to stay stuck in the past, and I need to remember that I have been transformed, just like a butterfly.

"A butterfly doesn't return to its former self or choose a life of crawling and cocoons once it has met the sky."  I need to remember to live in the present and not stay stuck in what used to be. There's an "entirely new flight path" for all of us in 2025.  Now that our wings have "met the sky," may we all be brave enough to leave the old versions of ourselves exactly where they belong: In. The. Past.

May it be so for all of us.  Let's get busy soaring and exploring and daring to be who we are without fear, without regret, without judgment.  Let's get to flying!

Do the dishes …

This quote really makes it manageable for me, the idea of “changing the world.” I am so guilty of believing I have to do huge, life-altering things before I can be a world changer.  But if I think about it, everyone looks at this world with their own eyes, their own set of circumstances.

That neighbor lady who is a widow; the friend who lost her husband and was left to raise her babies all by herself; the one who is gradually losing her memories; or the one whose life is changing due to divorce … they’re all very real people and they circle my everyday life.

If I commit a small act of kindness toward one of them, it might truly alter the course of their day, their week or (who knows) even their life.  And this is doable!  It doesn’t even require any money or a lot of my time.  It just requires my heart, my thoughtfulness, my willingness.  Like I said at the beginning of this year’s journey … that’s how we change the world ~ one act of kindness at a time.

Thank you for walking beside me and listening to my thoughts and ideas this year. If you’ve been uplifted, encouraged or inspired, even just a tiny bit, then I’ve done what I set out to do.

I leave you with this final blessing, a quote by a Mr. Neale Donald Walsch:

Gentle Souls

It’s been a long time since I made a New Year’s Resolution.  I’ve kind of just found I was never able to keep them, which meant I would spend weeks afterward feeling horribly guilty about failing.  Not the best way to start a new year, methinks.

But I absolutely love this quote, and it makes nearly every cell in my body heave a sigh of relief.  Inviting me to take care of myself, to love myself, and to resist going a million miles an hour all the time?  Now that seems like a healthy invitation.

The final bullet point to “give love freely — including love for myself” is the golden ticket.  There just aren’t very many places we can find that issue an open invitation to be kind to ourselves.

Question:  Do you need an invitation to be kind and gentle with yourself?

Food For Thought:  Would you accept that invitation, if you received one?

Challenge:  You’re invited!

I hope you know …

I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to please other people.  Feels like I have a master’s degree in it.  But gosh it takes So. Much. Energy. to try to figure out what other people might want.  I almost never get it right, either.

The quote above puts into words what I really needed to hear: that I don’t really need to fit in.  I really like who I am down deep, but I guess I’ve been afraid to say that out loud.  Because then I’d have to give myself permission to be unique or different in my own right.

Maybe that’s how everyone feels.  Each of us is unique, no better or worse than the person next to us. And if I can truly embrace all of my uniqueness, then maybe I won’t feel the need to impress or please anyone else except ME!

Question: Have you ever felt that you don’t fit in?

Food For Thought:  Are you trying to be someone or something you don’t want to be?

Challenge:  Could you try being YOU, just for one day?

Extraordinary!

I’ve always been an extremely sensitive person.  Being in a crowd stresses me out, and honestly I avoid being in them if at all possible. I just feel so much.  I can sense the collective pain, the anger, and frustration, and I have to work really hard to get rid of all that angst once I’ve encountered it.

Honestly, I know this makes me a bit of a misfit.  I mean, there are always crowded events to go to — from family and kids’ events, to driving in traffic, to shopping, to graduations, to any other myriad events.  And I want to fit in, I really do.  But maybe (just maybe), I just need to accept the fact that I do better in small groups; and maybe (just maybe), that’s okay.

In fact, perhaps I can even accept and nuture this trait in myself.  And maybe, I can be proud of it?  Because my ability to feel other people’s pain means I am also a very compassionate human.  I know how to help in ways that maybe others don’t.  Maybe that is my “extra in the ordinary” in this sometimes cold and lonely world.

Question:  Is there something about yourself that has made you feel like you don’t fit in?

Food For Thought:  Have you ever considered the possibility that this thing about you is actually a good thing?

Challenge:  Find a mirror, put both hands over your heart, look directly at yourself and repeat after me:  “I change the world by being myself every single day.  I am extraordinary!”

Music!

As a singer, it probably comes as no surprise that I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without music.  It literally lifts my heart.

From the rhythmical sounds of nature to the sweet sound of the symphony; whether I’m feeling happy or sad or anything in the spectrum, there’s always a song somewhere out there to match however I feel.

But until I read this quote, I never connected the fact that our hearts beat steadily to the rhythm of life.

Question:  Do you hear music around you?

Food For Thought:  Is there a song that fits your life right now that seems to keep coming back to you?

Challenge:  Sit outside all by yourself.  Close your eyes and see if you can hear music in the natural world around you.  This is the kind of music that is always there and has the potential to refresh your spirit if you’ll simply pay it some attention.

Burn anyways.

It’s okay to be myself, right?  I think I need to hear that again and again.  When I’m scared that I stand out because I’m different from other people; when I’m afraid to show up as myself for fear that people might laugh at me or make fun of me; when I look at those around me and compare, compare, compare.

Or when I was a school girl and was taught that “boys don’t like it when girls are smarter” or “keep your voice down” or “you can’t do that because you’re a girl!”  But I am a girl, and I am smart and I want to be loud sometimes and use my roar because its part of who I am.

I love this quote above because it’s a reminder to me to “burn anyway!” Because if me being myself and shining my light full on will inspire someone else or illuminate the way for another soul?  Well then. I better get to burnin’ bright.

Question:  Have you ever had someone tell you that your way of being is “too much to handle?”

Food For Thought:  Have you decided to let that person’s criticism dim your light?

Challenge:  What if you decided, instead, to “burn anyway?”  :-)